Back

I'm back at it after taking time off to let my ankle recover. It still hurts when I try to jump and put a lot of pressure into it but I can do most of the workout. I wish my ankel would allow me to work harder, but the pressure sends electerical jolts through my right sigde. I feel that I could work harder but when I try it's painful. D loo ing my best to listen ny body and learn how to work through the pain. Over the past month I have been doing what I can at home, abs, yoga and such as well as at the gym. I've found a yoga class I enjoy. I have been spending lots of good quality time with my lil man. Hubbie is still working a lot, most likely every Saturday until the weather turns bad. We have been going to the zoo, taking lots of trips to the park. We have made pumpkins with grandpa and uncle Michael.   And lots more. Having fun, staying positive, and doing our best to enjoy our lifes.

saturday venting

I said that I would talk about my life some, so here goes nothing.  Be prepared to be bored out of your minds. Lately Kyle has been working 50+ hour weeks, great money but not so great emotionally. I need to be able to spend time with him outside of pillow talk before we go to bed. Lately he leaves for work at about 6am and does not come home until about 6:30pm and has had to work similar hours on Saturday. Some days he goes in earlier and sometimes he has to bring work home, so even though he is home I still don’t get to spend quality time with him. He makes a point to spend time with Jude and play with him before Jude has to go to bed. Most days Kyle only gets two to three hours with him. Kyle is in charge of bed and bath time so that he knows that he will get some one on one time with our little man. Once Jude is in bed Kyle is usually so tired and worn out that he showers and is in bed by 9:00 and I’m lucky if I can have a conversation in there somewhere. When he comes home Kyle cooks dinner, my cooking skills are limited and with the exception of a few real simple things I have been told to stick to backing my sweets. If we want an edible dinner Kyle cooks or I get takeout (my version of cooking).  So ok than you say make time while playing with your son, we do. We play with him together and always sit at the dinner table together. Then you say what about Sundays. Well most Sundays my family is doing good to have us all three functioning long enough to make it to church. After church is nap time for and a little me time for mom and dad. And then Kyle tends to his yard, and then we go to dinner at my grandparents. Something we look forward to. There is something relaxing about going over there that we both love. We do family dinners with various family members three times a week. For the most part we enjoy and look forward to them. We like seeing our families and staying close. I’d be lying if I said we always look forward to them but id also be lying if I said we did not mostly enjoy them. The time to connect, dinners we don’t have to think about, time where someone else is able to pay attention to Jude, and my favorite watching Jude interact with his family and them him. I love that, it’s so great to see how one little boy can light up so many different peoples life’s.

So I know I have basically been ranting. And that compared to several people I know I have no room to complain. At least I get to see him every day and Jude knows and gets to be with him. Bye the way, power to all you who have spouses in places where you cannot be with them. I couldn’t handle it.  I personally am too emotionally dependant on my Hubbie to handle that. I need that time with him to keep my sanity.  

So to get to a point in this rant / venting; I have noticed that my depression gets worse at these times when Kyle is working lots of hours. With that my gating habits get worse. I start snacking more, eating more things that I should eat in moderation, sweets and crunchy things, drinking more pop, along with just laying around ignoring things like the laundry and other household duties.  Instead of taking Jude to the park we play in the backyard. We stay home instead of going to the gym. I need the exercise and its socialization for my only child. I don’t take him on outings when im feeling this way; I normally try to do one or two a week.  We play at home. But playing and taking care of Jude gets to be all I do. It can be real hard to get myself out of this funk. I’ve been stuck in one this last week or so, even though we took a vacation for 5 amassing days over the memorial holiday. I’m in a funk and fighting to get out of it. I need to make myself leave the house. Make myself do more than the bare minimum around the house. I need to kick myself in gear and while I know these things  I am fighting to win in making myself do them. I need do something to get past this but its hard.  If it was as simple as just do it I would. I tell myself go do it and it don’t happen. This is depression and what it does to you. I find my joy in my son and you would think he would be enough of a motivator to do more but it’s not. I’m thinking maybe a date night may help. Make myself get all pretty and such. Hoping I can get Kyle to go along with it tonight after work.  I’m going to revert to making a detailed to do list every day, this is how I have gotten through my worst days in the past so I’m hoping it will work again. I am also hoping that getting back to more rigorous exercise will help. And that if I can see some results again that will help me keep up the positive mental attitude that I have been struggling to maintain lately. I have also felt that maybe i should find a moms group/ play group to get Jude and I both some more time with other people and that that may help me. Im not sure how to find such a thing. Ill have to think on it and ask around.

I am going to say good bye to the internet for now and hello Dr who and laundry while I still got roughly an hour of Jude’s naptime to finish my housework, which is just folding. Thanks for being there internet its good to vent to a source that I know has a chance to be heard over my diary that is kept to just me. I feel as if I talked to someone. Maybe that therapist I mentioned was on to something.

T25 Start Pictures and Stats

 Kyle and I decided to do the T25 workouts together (for those intesrested or wanting to know more about it www.beachbody.com/FocusT25 ) with the 11 videos you get a calender that tells you what days to do the different workouts and to keep track of your stats as you go. The program is 5 weeks for each level (alpha and beta) of the program. I have decided to very publically document my progress.
Saturday is the day you are supose to document your stats so I will be posting progress pictures and stats every Saturday.
Today is Saturday September 14 of 2013 and here are our beginning stats:

Kyle Ann:
Weight:153.6
Chest:32.5
Bust:36
Underarm:36
Waist:31
Hip:39
Belly:36

Arms:13

Thighs:38

Kyle Edwin:

Weight:143.8

Chest:34

Waist:28

Arms:12.5

Thighs:21

We tried the core workout last night to see how it was and it kicked us in the bum. I was only able to do unmodified for about five minutes and steped wrong part way through and hurt my foot. I finished even though my food hurt. I was still dripping sweat ten minutes after finifhing the workout. I felt great afterword, tired and worn out but great, a sign in my book of a good workout. I will try to post pictures after each workout and some about how the workout felt and such. This is so I can show myself and you what a good workout looks and feels like. Just anothe way to hold myself accountable to this.  These are the after pictures of the first workout.  

 we will be officially starting the T25 program on monday and I am looking forward to it. I am planning on doing my best to continue my regular workouts at the gym while I do this. My gym time is my me time and my time to be an adult and not have a little one around for two hours.  I am anticipating a tired and achy body for a little bit and I say bring it.

introduction

Okay. I have decided to try this blogging thing, we will see how well I keep it up. The goal is mainly to document my weight loss journey and to hold myself accountable, as well as provide proof that I am losing the weight. I will throw in some about my life as a mother and wife and me in general. And use this to work through the prosses of making myself a better person inside and out. A theripist told me years ago to start a blog to help me work through my depression issues, well im doing it now three years later. So here we go.

Gotta love my guys: Hubie: Kyle Edwin Moravec and Son: Jude Ambroze Keeling.

Yep my Hubie and I have different last names and yes he is Jude's daddy. Kyle is my one and only and to put any questions out there out of the way. I chose to keep my name and Kyle Edwin chose to give our sweet little boy my name. Enough of that before it becomes a rant.

[Picture to left is me on May 4, 2012 4 days after my son was born. Its the best I can do of a picture of me around the time I decided I needed to get my bum in gear.]

To the weight loss thing. I started my weight loss journey roughly a year ago. I had started to try before that and got stuck or gave up for various reasons:some temporarily justified (illness, pregnancy, miscarriage,  pregnancy again, surgery) others not so much (laziness basically). I decided after I had Jude(born May 10, 2012 for the curious) that I needed to get my not so cutie patotie into gear and turn it into a cutie patotie. When I started I weighed roughly 220lbs at a height of 5'5''

Interrupt for a brief history lesson. When I met Kyle in 2002 I weighed 85lbs and was 5'5''. I also had an eating disorder and depression. I would not eat during the day than gorge myself at night often to the point of making my self sick. I would often make myself throw up because of the overly full feeling. It started off unconsciously and over time turned to something I felt the need to do and chose to do. With lots of support from good friends, I hid this from most of my family (not sure how many of them know this, cats out of the bag now) and a conscious effort on my part I got better and gained some weight. Than I hit collage and started getting lots of attention that I wasn't use to. My solution after trying dressing like a bum most of the time was to gain some weight but the weight gain got out of control. Enter the weight loss battle roughly 2007. End history for now.

Pictured below

: 2002, 2005, 2006, 2008

Food is comfort to me has been as long as I can remember when I'm feeling down I go to food. This has not helped my battle.  When my depression is at its worst I gain a lot of weight because I go to food instead of finding another outlet. I'm learning to talk to my friends or Hubbie when I'm having those horrible bad times and am trying to replace food and bed with exercise and sunshine. Not as easy as it sounds, but I think I'm getting better at it. I also love backing and am currently only allowed to bake when I have a reason besides I want a cupcake.

Back to weight loss. I have lost about 70lbs in the last year and gone from a size 16 to a 6 in pants I'm an 8 in dresses. I never thought I could be a 6 again. I still have a ways to go. My Dr says I should be around 120lbs. So that's where I am slowly working to. My current goal is a pant size by Christmas.

There is a little of this and that about me. Some of it things I try to make myself talk about so I can be healthier both mentally and physically, and not easy to talk about,  on another not. Enjoy my rambelings and my journey.